14/10/2024

Conflict resolution day 2024: tips for parents 

Conflict is a natural part of life, and children, like adults, encounter it regularly in their interactions with siblings, friends, and even with parents. In time for Conflict Resolution Day on 17th October, we're sharing our top tips for families.

We'd like to think life is always easy breezy and our kids will consistently get on with their siblings, friends - and their parents. The reality is different, though, and that's ok. Learning to manage conflict effectively is an essential life skill that will benefit children both now and in the future. We've got some practical tips for parents on how to support children in resolving conflicts and fostering strong communication skills.

The importance of conflict resolution for children

Teaching children how to resolve conflicts early on has important long-term benefits. Children who can manage disagreements constructively tend to develop better social relationships, perform well academically, and experience less stress. Conflict resolution skills promote empathy, cooperation, and emotional intelligence, all of which are important for future success in both personal and professional life.

It's important to remember that children often look to their parents for cues on how to handle disputes. By demonstrating healthy conflict resolution at home, parents can create a supportive environment for children to learn these skills. Here are some practical tips for guiding your child through the process of managing conflict.

Model positive behaviour

Children learn a lot through what they see, and one of the most effective ways to teach them conflict resolution is by showing positive ways to manage disagreements yourself. When arguments arise in your home, whether between parents, siblings, or friends, try to approach them calmly and with a focus on understanding rather than winning.

If your child witnesses you arguing, show them how to resolve it constructively. This might mean holding fire to listen to each other's viewpoints, expressing feelings without blaming the other person, or finding a compromise that works for everyone. Let your child see how you handle your own frustrations and how you move towards a solution. This gives them a blueprint for how they can manage their own conflicts.

Teach active listening

One of the biggest hurdles in resolving conflicts is the lack of effective communication, especially when emotions run high. Teaching your child to listen actively is a crucial step in helping them manage conflict. Active listening involves paying attention to the speaker, showing empathy, and trying to understand their point of view without interrupting.

Encourage your child to practise active listening by repeating back what the other person has said. For example, if their sibling says, "You never let me play with your toys," your child could say, "It sounds like you're upset because I don’t share my toys with you." This simple act of acknowledgment can help de-escalate conflicts by making the other person feel heard and understood.

You can make this skill fun by role-playing different scenarios at home, taking turns being the listener and the speaker. Over time, your child will start to internalise the importance of hearing others out before jumping to conclusions or reacting impulsively.

Help them understand emotions

Children, especially younger ones, often struggle to express their feelings and might not fully understand what they're feeling. As a parent, you can help your child identify and label their emotions, which can make it easier for them to articulate their needs during a conflict.

When your child is upset, ask them how they're feeling. Are they angry, sad, frustrated, or something else? Once they can name their emotion, it becomes easier for them to explain why they feel that way. You could say, "It seems like you're feeling frustrated because your friend didn’t want to play the game you chose. Is that right?"

Helping children to recognise and label emotions not only improves their ability to communicate during conflicts, but also boosts their emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence is an important skill that helps children navigate complex social situations and manage their own reactions.

Teach problem-solving techniques

Once children are able to communicate their emotions and listen to others, the next step is to guide them through problem-solving. Teaching your child how to come up with solutions to disagreements can empower them to handle conflicts more independently.

Encourage your child to brainstorm possible solutions with the person they're having a disagreement with. It's important that they don’t just focus on 'winning' or getting their own way but instead try to find a compromise that works for everyone. For example, if they're arguing over a toy, they could take turns or agree to play with it together.

Ask guiding questions like, "What do you think you could do to solve this problem?" or "How do you think your friend might feel about that solution?" This encourages children to think critically about the situation and consider the needs and feelings of others.

Role-play scenarios at home

Children learn best through play, so turning conflict resolution into a game can be a powerful teaching tool. Role-playing various conflict scenarios can help children practise their skills in a safe and supportive environment.

Start by picking a scenario your child might face, such as an argument over sharing toys or a disagreement during a group project at school. Take turns playing different roles: your child can be themselves, and you can play the role of a friend, sibling, or classmate. Encourage your child to use active listening, express their feelings, and suggest solutions.

This exercise not only reinforces the conflict resolution skills you've been teaching but also gives your child the confidence to apply these skills in real-life situations. It's also a great way for parents to identify areas where their child might need more support or guidance.

Promote empathy and perspective-taking

Empathy is a key component of conflict resolution. When children learn to understand and appreciate other people's perspectives, it's easier for them to resolve disputes amicably. As a parent, you can help your child develop empathy by encouraging them to put themselves in the other person's shoes.

After a disagreement, ask your child to think about how the other person might be feeling. You could say, "How do you think your friend felt when you didn’t share the toy?" or "What do you think your sibling wanted when they said that?"

These questions encourage your child to consider other viewpoints and develop a more balanced understanding of the situation. Empathy not only helps children resolve conflicts but also strengthens their relationships by encouraging trust and cooperation.

Set clear boundaries and expectations

While it's important to encourage children to resolve conflicts on their own, there are times when adult intervention is necessary—particularly when a conflict becomes physical or involves hurtful language. Setting clear boundaries about what is and isn’t acceptable behaviour during conflicts can help children manage their emotions more effectively.

Establish family rules around conflict, such as no shouting, no hitting, and no name-calling. Remind your children that disagreements are natural, but it's important to stay respectful and kind even when they're upset. By setting these expectations, you create a safer and more structured environment for conflict resolution.

If your child crosses a boundary during a conflict, calmly remind them of the rules and encourage them to take a break if they need to cool down. This reinforces the idea that conflicts should be handled in a calm and respectful manner.

Encourage a growth mind set

Conflict resolution is a skill that takes time to develop, and children may struggle with it at first. It’s important to encourage a growth mindset in your child, helping them understand that making mistakes is part of learning. If they handle a conflict poorly, rather than focusing on what went wrong, ask them what they could do differently next time.

Praise your child when they make progress in resolving conflicts, even if it's just a small step, such as staying calm or listening to the other person. Positive reinforcement helps children build confidence in their ability to manage disagreements and reinforces the idea that conflict resolution is a skill they can improve with practice.

Create opportunities for teamwork

Another way to help your child build conflict resolution skills is by encouraging activities that require teamwork and cooperation. Group activities like sports, board games, or collaborative school projects offer opportunities for children to practise negotiation, compromise, and problem-solving in a low-stakes setting.

During these activities, be on the lookout for moments when conflicts arise, and gently guide your child through the process of resolving them. For example, if two children argue over the rules of a game, you can ask them how they might come to an agreement or suggest they take turns making decisions.

Teamwork activities help children see the value of working together to solve problems, and they give them plenty of opportunities to practise the conflict resolution skills they’ve learned.

Use storytelling to teach lessons

Children love stories, and storytelling can be an excellent way to teach conflict resolution skills. You can use books, movies, or even make up your own stories to illustrate how characters resolve their differences in constructive ways.

Choose stories that feature characters facing conflicts similar to those your child might experience, such as a disagreement between friends or siblings. After reading or watching the story, talk with your child about how the characters handled the situation. Did they listen to each other? Did they find a fair solution? How could the characters have managed the conflict differently?

These discussions help your child connect the lessons from the story to their own life and give them ideas for how they might handle similar conflicts in the future.

Be patient and offer support

Learning to resolve conflicts effectively takes time, and your child may not always get it right. As a parent, it’s important to be patient and provide ongoing support as your child navigates the ups and downs of conflict management.

When your child comes to you with a conflict, resist the urge to step in and solve the problem for them. Instead, guide them through the process of resolving it on their own. Ask questions, offer suggestions, and provide encouragement, but allow your child to take the lead.

By giving your child the space to practise their conflict resolution skills, you’re helping them build confidence and independence. And when they do struggle, be there to offer reassurance and remind them that mistakes are part of the learning process.

Final thoughts on conflict resolution day 2024

Conflict Resolution Day 2024 is an ideal time to focus on helping your child develop the skills they need to manage disagreements in a healthy and productive way. By teaching active listening, problem-solving, and empathy, and by providing opportunities for practice, you can equip your child with tools that will serve them well throughout their life.

As parents, the way we approach conflict in our own lives sets an example for our children. By modelling positive behaviour, setting clear boundaries, and encouraging a growth mindset, we can help our children navigate conflicts with confidence and compassion. With patience and practice, children can learn that conflict, while inevitable, is an opportunity for growth, learning, and building stronger relationships.